When Someone You Love Is Using

A better way to talk: CRAFT

CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) is a research-based approach for families whose loved one is not ready for help. Instead of confrontation, it teaches you to change how you respond, so that not using becomes more rewarding than using. Studies of CRAFT have found it gets more loved ones into treatment than confrontational interventions or 12-step approaches.

The core ideas are simple: talk in a positive way, even when things are hard; reward times when they are sober; let natural consequences of use happen instead of rescuing them; look after your own health; and be ready to invite them into treatment when the moment is right.

What to say and what to skip

• Pick a calm time when they are sober. Avoid talking when they are high, drunk, or you are angry.
• Use "I" statements: "I miss you at dinner. I worry when you drive after drinking."
• Name specific things you saw, not labels like "addict" or "drunk."
• Say what you want: "I would like you to talk to a doctor. I will go with you."
• Notice and thank them for good moments.
• Skip lecturing, threats you will not follow through on, and arguing about how much they use.
• Keep the door open: "If you ever want help, I am here."

Boundaries vs. enabling

A boundary is about what you will do, not what they must do. "I will not give you cash, but I will pay for a doctor visit." Enabling means shielding someone from the results of their use, like calling in sick for them or paying debts caused by using. CRAFT suggests letting those natural consequences happen, while still showing love and keeping everyone safe.

Safety first: overdose and naloxone

• Keep naloxone (Narcan) at home if your loved one uses opioids or any street drugs, which can contain fentanyl. It is sold over the counter in all 50 states and will not harm someone who is not on opioids.
• Learn the signs: will not wake up, slow or no breathing, blue or gray lips, tiny pupils, gurgling or snoring sounds.
• If you see them: give naloxone, call 911, lay them on their side, and stay.
• After detox or time without using, tolerance drops, which raises overdose risk.
• If you ever feel unsafe, leave and call 911. Your safety matters.

Getting them to an assessment

An assessment by a doctor or treatment program is a low-pressure first step. It answers "How serious is this?" and "What kind of help fits?" When your loved one shows any opening, act quickly: have two or three programs picked out, know what their insurance covers, and offer to make the call or drive them.

Health First Colorado members can call their regional organization (RAE) for help finding care. Anyone can call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357, free and 24/7.

Involuntary treatment in Colorado

Under Colorado law (C.R.S. 27-81-112), a spouse, relative, guardian, doctor or other responsible person can petition a court to order treatment for an adult with a substance use disorder, but only if the person has harmed or threatened harm to themselves or others or is incapacitated by substances, has refused voluntary treatment, and a judge finds clear and convincing proof; talk to an attorney or the court before starting.

Take care of yourself

You need support too, whether or not your loved one gets help.

• Al-Anon: support for people affected by someone else's drinking, with in-person, phone and online meetings. Alateen is for teens.
• Nar-Anon: a 12-step program for family and friends of people with addiction, with virtual meetings in several languages.
• SMART Recovery Family & Friends: free, science-based meetings built on CRAFT.
• A counselor or therapist of your own, especially one who understands addiction.
• Sleep, eat, move, and keep doing things you enjoy. Burnout helps no one.