When someone we love is struggling with addiction, it’s natural to want to help. We offer rides, money, and a place to stay. We make excuses, cover up mistakes, and sometimes even lie for them, all in the name of love.
But there’s a word for that pattern, and it’s a heavy one: enabling.
Understanding what enabling is, how it shows up, and how to stop it can be life-changing, not just for the person in addiction, but for the whole family. It’s not about blame. It’s about awareness, boundaries, and building a path forward that supports real recovery.
In addiction recovery, enabling means doing something that removes consequences or shields a person from the fallout of their substance use. It might feel like support, but it keeps them stuck.
Enabling = Protecting someone from the consequences of their actions.
If someone never feels the full weight of their choices, there’s often little motivation to change.
🔗 Related Resource:
👉 What to Do When a Loved One Refuses Help for Addiction
Many enabling behaviors feel like “just helping.” But here are the red flags to look out for:
If you’ve done some of these things… you’re not alone. It comes from love. But love alone doesn’t lead to recovery.
Helping encourages recovery.
Enabling delays it.
Helping
Driving them to detox
Offering support during withdrawal
Offer support for anything related to their recovery
Enabling
Driving them to buy alcohol
Letting them use in your home
Ignoring the addiction
If your support allows them to avoid discomfort, pain, or responsibility, it might be enabling.
Let’s be honest—it’s complicated. We enable because:
But here’s the hard truth: enabling doesn’t protect them—it protects the addiction.
Breaking the cycle of enabling takes time and courage. Here’s where to start:
Educate yourself on addiction, denial, and family dynamics. Support groups like Al-Anon or SMART Recovery for Families can help.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about your peace.
Example:
“You can’t stay here if you’re using. I’ll help you get into treatment, but I won’t support your addiction.”
That may mean:
Pain can lead to change. Don’t rob them of that opportunity.
Yes, really. Get your own support. Start therapy. Attend meetings. You matter too.
🔗 Helpful Guide:
👉 How to Build a Sober Support Network in Colorado
When they ask for help, that’s the time to act:
When they’re ready, meet them there, not before.
Scenario:
Your daughter calls at 2 a.m. from a hotel. She’s been drinking, she’s broke, and she wants to come stay “just for a few nights.”
Enabling Response:
“Okay… just this once. I’ll Venmo you $50 for a Lyft.”
Supportive Response:
“I love you. I can’t let you stay here while you’re drinking. If you want help getting into treatment, I’m here for that.”
If you’ve been enabling someone you love, take a deep breath. You’re not a bad person. You’re just someone who’s hurting—probably for a long time—and trying to make it through.
But you don’t have to stay stuck in that role. You can shift. You can support real change. And when you do, you not only give them a better chance at recovery—you reclaim your own peace, too.
We’re here for you when you’re ready.
